I wonder what Heaven will be like. I know there are general descriptions provided in religious text, but I was thinking about more specific details. For example, will each person have their own heaven and their own reality? Or will heaven be a place where like everyone exists together and have their fantasies fulfilled? Or will it be a combination of everyone's version of heaven in one big heaven? For example, if there's a mall in my version of heaven, will Zaid Siddiqui be working at Abecrombie and Fitch? Will Ahmed own his own dojo? Will Kashif be a rockstar nobody cares about? Will Rizwan Ali finally get married?
In any case, I assume Heaven is a place where all my fantasies will be fulfilled. There will be so many fast food restaurants, but none of it will give you the hours of post-fast food agony. Also, the haircuts will still be $2.99, but the barbers will actually speak English and WON'T ask for tip. Desi people will actually smell nice, especially the girls. Speaking of girls, they won't have mouths. Alright, fine, they can have mouths, but they won't be allowed to talk. Or drive. In Heaven, the internet will never go out and all downloads will run around 700-1000 kbs. There will be cell phone signal everywhere we go, and all the starbucks will have free wi-fi (not that garbage $20 tmobile crap). The speed limit in Heaven will be 50 on city driving and 70 on highways. Cars will give 45 mpg and no one will be allowed to drive trucks. And women won't be allowed to drive...did I already mention that? Neither will old people and Bilal Siddiqui.
A few years ago, people told me that I was hafiz. And because I'm hafiz, I'm apparently allowed to save seven people from going to hell. So, yeah, here's my list:
1. Kimbo: he will be my personal body guard.
2. Eminem: he will be my personal rapper.
3. Michael Jackson: he will be my personal dancer.
4. Kobe Bryant: he will be my personal trainer.
5. Jessica Alba: she will be my personal...umm...i'll find a purpose for her.
6. Adil Farooq: he will be my personal jestor.
7. Wildcard
I'm leaving that wildcard open for one of you scrubs who's sure that they're going to hell, but is willing to do my homework for the next two years. Or if I can't get married, I'll use that wildcard to get a wife. I don't know.
the ramlings of
IJ on Friday, June 06, 2008.
11 Responses to Heaven
ill marry you and do your homework for a year.
I see you can not seem to advance forward of Asian jokes. I will have to punch you in the teeth upon our next meeting tiger
marry me.
Fuck you and fuck your heaven. I hope you fucking go go to hell and get repeatedly sodomized with a pineapple while you suck off Hitler's hairy balls. I hope you see everyone you love die slow in front of you. Fuck you.
yeah, what kashif said.
oh snap i think about heaven sometimes too but then my head hurts...
kashif, you're...how can i put this delicately...a retard. lol.
If heavan was a mall, you'd be working across the street from it at circuit city. loll
go kashif!
why would you make the city speed limit lower than it is already in some places? and the highway speedlimit only 5 above what it already is?
and isn't adil hafiz? so wouldn't he already be in heaven?
and why wouldn't haircuts just be free?
you're such a freak.
Imran...I am just going to have to kill you now...
lol
i'm going to hell, 'cause i eat pork and shellfish. and even though i'm your cousin, i'm already marrying someone else. i'm retarded at math, so i can't do any of your homework. but i am pretty sure i'm going to hell, and would love to be the wildcard.
eileen
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