So everyone knows that when it comes to girls, I got mad game. I don't even have to try but every once in awhile, I run into a tough case. So there's this Persian girl (let's call her P) that I've been stalking for a few months now and she finally responded to my Facebook requests. So this is what I wrote on her wall and her responses:

I: thank you for unblocking me. now we can be friends. i like you, P. you are very pretty.
P: hahahha you so stupid! :)))))
P: creeper.... which is your mother land? lmao
I: why creeper? i just wna b ur friend :(
I: i am looking for lasting friendship
P: it is illegal to have lasting friendship with weirdos in this country lol
I: do you speak farsi? khalgoosha wa joonam ya kosh wa nada? i wnt to mary farsi grl.
P: ok, you're shia too????
I: i m shi3 too. i vud like to skipe wit u, ya joonam.
I: my email is PapaParsiKhalgoosh@ahmadinejad.gov
P: but you smell like curry and stale sweat...
[Luiz likes this]
I: who is this luiz? r u chting on me? i wanted u to b my mama parsi :(
P: i ain't no one's mama parsi!!!ok, get back to work :D
I: ok i go back to work at nike factory. may ahmadinejad shower u with blessings. tk care, joonam.

Long story short, we got married and have three kids now. Haris was the best man at the wedding. The end.

Normally, when I write these blog posts, I avoid revealing stuff about my personal life. I feel like talking about myself on a blog is kinda gay and I mostly use my blog to indirectly make fun of other people. However, what I'm about to talk about is something a lot of people go through and I guess I want people to know that they're not alone.

So a little while ago, I was at a friend's birthday dinner and I saw this pretty cute girl. I immediately noticed her because she had that light skin that I'm a sucker for. So after I spent 30 minutes in the restroom, looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself things like, "no girl could resist the Jangster charm," I finally worked up the courage to go up to her. I started off with the standard, "What's your name, what's your sign?" and she immediately laughed at the Notorious B.I.G. reference. This led to a nice lengthy conversation about rap music, society, philosophy, and even religion. It was perfect; here's this girl who has the same views as me: Eminem is the greatest artist ever, Islam is kinda cool, Kobe is better than Lebron, Omar is skinnier than me, and Haseeb is always right. I'm just playing about that last one; we all know that's not true.

Unfortunately, I was unable to obtain "what numbers to dial," but when I got home that night, I did the whole Facebook stalking thing. It took another 30 minutes in the restroom (psyching myself up, you pervs) to muster up the cajones to "poke" her on Facebook. In the interest of time, I'm going to glaze over the next few parts of this story: friend request, Facebook chat, Facebook chat, text, introduce to Haris, Haris-approval, text, phone, date with Haris there, date with Haris there, date without Haris there.

Okay, so flash forward a few weeks: I'm hanging out with this cute girl that knows all the lyrics to "Superman" and "Best I Ever Had", is better than me at Words with Friends, and, most importantly, has Haris-approval. So one day, we're chilling in my Camry outside of her favorite restaurant and scarfing down some bean burritos with beans instead of meat and I'm thinking that this girl is pretty cool. We've been friends for a few weeks, so maybe it's time to take it to the obvious next step. So I'm all, "Yo, you wanna do this thing?" and she's all, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" and I'm all, "Yeah." She took that as a sign to hop on over to my side of the car. That's when things started getting a little weird...

Me: Whoaa, slow your role, girl.
Her: I thought that this is what you wanted?
Me: No, girl, I was talking about you and me walking down the masjid carpet together, I'm a 23-year old college student, I'm not even THINKING about that type of stuff yet.
Her: Come on, Immy Minaj, you know you're down. The average guy thinks about this every eight seconds.
Me: About what? Marriage? I really don't feel comfortable...
Her: ...(mumbles) mission failed...
Me: What'd you say?
Her: ...nothing
Me: WHAT'D YOU SAY?!?
Her: That's it...it's time I tell you the truth...

That's when things went from regular-crazy to Kashif-crazy. Her skin started becoming lighter and lighter until she became transparent. Scales emerged from her skin and her teeth transformed into fangs. "This is who I really am," she snarled in a deep booming voice, "I was sent by the Devil to corrupt you." At this point, I push her off me and I'm like "Come on, man, not again...how come every cute girl I meet turns out to be a Jinn or an agent of Satan or something?!? I even let you meet my Haris!"

So that's when she decides that since I can't be corrupted, I have to be killed. My immediate reaction was to start reciting the anti devil-girl spells that Adil learned from Braelv Tech, but apparently, she was immune. She started her onslaught by opening her mouth and breathing fire on me. I immediately dodged the fireballs and jumped into the backseat. I was saved, but unfortunately, my radar detector was burned to ash. I reached under the passenger seat and pulled out my sword (and no, that's not a euphemism, you pervs). The devil-girl turned around and started scratching at me with her claws, but I was able to deflect them with my sword. She did manage to land one lick on me, but fortunately, she only scratched my trademark mole off. At this point, I did the Bismillah Sword Swipe that I learned from Brother Haleem Ahmed Khan, and chopped off the Armani Exchange purse from which she was drawing her power. She let out this piercing cry that caused dents all around my car and left a crack on my windshield, as she disappeared into a Forever 21 gift card.

Of course I couldn't tell my parents what happened, so I just told them that the car dents were from a few poles I ran into, the windshield was cracked by racist hobos, and that I lost my mole in a car accident.

The reason I wrote this post is because I realized that I'm not the only one that's been through this type of thing. There are a lot of scary things out there: Jinns, demon-girls, Republicans...just make sure to stay on the straight path. Don't let the evils of this world make you fall into stupid things. And remember, you are not alone.

I know I haven't blogged in awhile, but I feel that there is an important issue that I want to draw attention to. It is statically proven that every 90 minutes, a beautiful girl is diagnosed with Getting with a DoucheBag. The causes of GDB include insecurity, alcohol, jealousy of her friends, pressure from her parents to get married, and mental instability. Please take a few minutes out of your day and spread the word. With your help, we can stop GDB altogether.

To all the women out there, especially Pakistani ones, I have a modest request: PLEASE STOP BEING CRAZY. Life isn't meant to be difficult and I've noticed that people make it a lot harder than it has to be.

Men tend to define themselves by how much money they make and women tend to define themselves by how pretty they are. Fortunately, men can make money...all they really have to do is get a decent degree and they'll make enough so that most girls will say yes. But women, unfortunately, can't control how good they look. Makeup can only take you so far. And that makes you constantly compare yourself to other girls, seek validation from the men around you, and worst of all, it makes you lower yourself to something you aren't. Also, it makes you torture the men around you, for example: me.

But I promise you, it's all in your head. Life is what you make it and as long as you are a good person and treat the people around you with respect, you will find someone amazing. There's no need to throw yourselves at every guy that smiles at you or get obsessed with the few nice guys that you meet. Don't settle for anything less than your soul mate. It will all work out, I promise. You WILL find someone and he WILL be amazing. You just have to be patient. There are 3.2 billion men in the world. Do you honestly believe it's impossible to find a decent guy with those odds?

I'm tired of seeing great girls around me settling for the first idiot that comes around just because they have this baseless fear of ending up alone. Stop buying into the "oh if I'm too old" or "I have a past" garbage. There's no expiration date on love and the best relationships in life happen when you aren't looking for them.

So to all my sisters out there, stop selling yourself short. The good guys want more than just a pretty face. Except me. My girl has to be at least a 9.5 and I don't care about her personality and she can't have ever even liked anyone else. But this applies to all the OTHER good guys.

Take care.

Breakups suck. That's just the truth. Sometimes things end badly, and the two people can't remain friends. Actually, that's the case most of the time. So the girl (because 99% of the time it's her fault) has to come up with reasons for her friends as to why the guy isn't around. She can't say, "Oh, he's not around because I was a selfish, lying, cheating biznitch and he dumped my arse." Instead, she has to come up with lies, often exaggerated, so that she doesn't look bad. Well, here are some of the lies that my MANY, MANY ex-girlfriends have told their friends/families, as to why I disappeared.

-"Imran turned out to be gay. He apparently had some fling with one of his Bangali friends."
-"I found out that Imran was selling crystal meth behind madrasah. I knew that those "Smash tonight?" texts he'd get from his friends meant something else."
-"Imran dropped outta school to pursue a rap career. "
-"Imran was cheating on me. I found out that he was calling some random girl named "Aisha" on his phone bill. And I called one of his other friends from his phone, Safwan, and a GIRL picked up. She claimed to be Safwan, but I know that wasn't a guy on the phone."
-"Imran was into some really shady things. He used to hang out with all these weird guys, like Adil, Abid, Ahmed, Haris, and Safwan. Those guys looked like they were up to no good."
-"One of his friends, Rehan, threatened to beat me up."
-"Me and Imran differed on religious beliefs. He was into all sorts of weird things like praying five times a day and reading crazy Arabic gibberish. I'm not down with that. That's just not baller to me."
-"Kashif."
-"He used to always compare me to some guy named Ferhan. And he'd always tell me that he wishes I would be more like Ferhan."
-"Imran was really psychotic. One time, he ripped out his own colon to prove a point. I can't handle things like that."

It's been really hard these last few months without you. I didn't think this would ever happen to us. I thought you'd be with me forever. I look back and have no idea how things went wrong. Things were perfect for the longest time, but then suddenly everything changed. I had no way of seeing it coming. I knew there were problems and I tried so many different ways to fix things. But it was taking its toll on me. You were causing me so much stress and tension, and it was interfering with my schoolwork. Everyone saw the affect you were having on me. I really couldn't believe how bad things had gotten. After we made it through our roughest episode, I thought we might have a chance, but I knew deep down, things could never be the same. Regardless, I decided to give you one last chance. Things were looking up for awhile, but then you started giving me problems again, and I knew what I had to do. I knew we had to part ways. It was what was best for me. I'm sorry, but I had no choice. It's been rough without you. You were always a part of me, and I just want you to know that I won't ever be able to replace you. And if I ever do, things just won't be as perfect as they used to be. Goodbye, my colon.

Yes, it's true. I'm off the market. It's kind of a long story and it was in the works for awhile, but after careful deliberation, I decided to go through with it.

Yesterday, when I woke up for sehri, my mom and nani ma were saying that it's about time I got engaged. They said that I'm 21 now and pretty far in my education, and that I should consider this type of thing. Plus, all my friends are getting engaged; it's actually the cool thing to do now. Before, we used to play video games and basketball for fun, and now getting engaged is the new fad.

So, I told them I'd start looking. First thing I did was I went to ratedesi.com, but the damn website wouldn't let me look at any of the profiles unless I made an account. So then, I went to eHarmony and made a profile, but I turned up zero results because apparently, there aren't any "attractive, Muslim women who are willing to fulfill my ever whim and desire." I also submitted my "biodata" to shaadi.com, but that didn't work out either.

So then, I decided to go to online forums, and I found this one amazing forum. It consisted mostly of young Muslims posting a lot of interesting topics. It dealt with vital issues such as "Brushing Teeth with Toothpaste while Fasting" and "Teddy Bears: somewhat haram or extremely haram?" I mean, seriously, those are thoughts that keep me up at night. I don't wanna commit shirk because Mr. Snuggles helps me fall asleep.

Anyways, that's beside the point. So I got on the forums and I discovered a very thriving online community. Most importantly it had girls! Even a special "Sister's Section," which I wasn't allowed in. Fortunately, I got access by using my sister's account. Shhh. So, anyways, I started online correspondence with this one member, SwtHijabiHottie4u. I got to know her over time, and by asr, I realized SwtHijabiHottie4u was the person I was looking for.

I talked to my parents, and they said that they told me that I was rushing things and that I needed to slow down. They told me that I should wait until iftar, at least, before I send a rishta. So that's what I did. As soon as my azaan clock started wailing, I stuffed a date in my mouth, and forced my mom to send the proposal. SwtHijabiHottie4u's mother told my mom that they would need time to think it over, especially since they didn't even know my real name or anything about me. So we honored their wishes and told them they could take as long as they wanted. However, the wait for me was insane. I was really into SwtHijabiHottie4uand couldn't wait for her answer. I even added her on Facebook! I was really into it. So I anxiously awaited the response, knowing that this was an important decision and that it would take a long time for them to make it.

Finally, just when I had lost hope and decided that it was game over and that they had probably gotten a few better rishtas since mine, I got the call right before I left for taraveeh. I swear it was the longest hour of my life. SwtHijabiHottie4u's family said they were down for it. So after isha, I asked Sheikh Syed to do the nikkah, and inshAllah, tomorrow is the reception. I would urge you all to try and come. It will be at Lal Masjid in Karachi, Pakistan. However, the rukhsati is in ten years, so I guess none of this even matters :(

I got a weird call the other day. I didn't know the number, it was a different area code. So I picked up, and I was like "hello?" and then the person paused for a bit and was like "...hello?" And then I was like "hey what's up? who's this?" and then she's like "oh hey, i'm the devil." This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Imran: oh..really?
Devil: yeah, fo real.
Imran: can you prove it?
Devil: alrite fine. you were currently about to master-
Imran: OK! I believe you! So, how'd you get my number?
Devil: i got it from Kashif.
Imran: oh..damn. so what's up?
Devil: I just wanted to let you know, keep up the good work.
Imran: ...what are you talking about?
Devil: you're doing a good job, man. I really appreciate your effort.
Imran: thanks...but i thought i was a good guy.
Devil: naw, man you're a great guy. all the stuff you do is really helping me out
Imran: really? like what.
Devil: well first of all, i just wanted to let you know that you're a really funny guy. those religious jokes are really awesome. Tell that one about Jesus and Mohammed walking into a bar!
Imran: Oh...naw I've been trying to stop those.
Devil: Dude, they're awesome, I can get you an HBO special if you want. I did the same for Russel Peters.
Imran: no, it's ok.
Devil: Also, I love how you lead on the ladies.
Imran: umm...i don't think i do that.
Devil: of course you do. always cracking jokes with them, plus your devilish good looks. and right when they fall for you, they find out you're gay and they can't have you.
Imran: damn, even you think I'm gay? I'M NOT GAY!
Devil: oh, then why do you walk like that? and what's your obsession with Haris?
Imran: can't help it, and the Haris thing is just a joke.
Devil: oh, alright. fine stay in the closet. but i do have a problem with one of the things you do.
Imran: what's that?
Devil: you're always making fun of wahabis and braelvis and making them look bad.
Imran: ...but I thought you'd like that!
Devil: naw man, if it wasn't for those guys, I wouldn't have a job. Wahab and Braelv...they really helped me out back in the 1930's when things were getting boring.
Imran: damn, so you're behind these brainwashed scrubs arguing over nothing?
Devil: yeah, that's me. and I'm also behind the West Coast vs. East Coast beef, the Shaq vs. Kobe beef, and the Rehan vs. everyone else beef.
Imran: Damn, ok. But umm...I don't think I can keep helping you.
Devil: why the hell not?
Imran: because I don't wanna go to hell.
Devil: oh...well f you then.
Imran: ...go to hell.
Devil: come on man. its really not that bad. its just really hot and ruled by a dictator. think of it as Rehan's house, without AC.
Imran: I don't even go to his house that much. And I really like AC.
Devil: maybe we can come to some sort of agreement. Help me help you.
Imran: naw man, i'll pass.
Devil: alrite thats, fine. you know, you're pretty cute. you wanna discuss this stuff over dinner sometime?
Imran: no, man. i don't go out with girls. i'm gonna get an arranged marriage to some village girl in Pakistan. or a cousin.
Devil: oh, sucks to be you. anyways, i look forward to meeting you in two years. Salaam.
Imran: two years? what are you talking about? hello? devil?

yeah, so that's my conversation with the devil. what a bitch.

Dang, all these scrubs are getting married pretty early. 21, 20...even as young as 15. The reality is that my friends are probably going to start getting married soon, which is pretty gay, because I have no intention of getting hitched within the next few years (AT LEAST). However, to each his own. In any case, I have a few predictions, like always, as to what I think is going to go down over the next 2-3 years.

Adil and Abid are going to marry a pair of Punjabi braelvettes. These girls will be so pious, that they will willingly submit themselves to house arrest. Adil and Abid are going to place ankelettes on their wives that automatically shocks them whenever they leave the house. If they ever need to get something from the car, or get groceries, they will have to ask Adil to bring it home on the way back from his work at the circus.

Haseeb is going to marry a girl so strict, that she even wears abaya in front of him. One day, he will test her and ask her to take her abaya off when its just him, and she'll say "NO!" This act will turn him on, something that hasn't happened to him since he was 12 (that day at Madinah Masjid, remember?)

Haris is going to end up hooking up with one of his black Lil Bangla fans. However, he will later find out that she's not really African-American, but just a really dark shade of Bangali Brown.

Rehan is not going to settle for anything less than Queen Nerd. He will meet her on xbox live, after she pwned him 28-1 in Call of Duty 4. This act will turn him on, something that hasn't happened to him since he was 12. He will meet her up, they will become friends, and fall in love. On their wedding day, Rehan will be like "So, mom, what do you think of her?" His mom will absentmindedly respond, "Oh, I've liked her since she was a little girl." Then Rehan will be like, "OMG SHE'S MY COUSIN, ISNT SHE!!! YOU TRICKED ME." At that point, he will evolve into the Incredible Hulk and destroy everything at the wedding, even the Wii's they had set up for the guests to play. In response, she will evolve into She-Hulk, calm him down and explain that she is his cousin, but that doesn't mean they can't love each other. Damning society, they will remain married, and have three sons named Spiderman, Batman, and Kashif.

Kashif is going to marry some chick he meets at a Lamb of Shit concert. At first, it will just be a casual fling, but when he finds out that she likes Ron Paul and showing up at people's houses randomly, he'll realize its fate and marry her that day. The lead singer of Lamb of Shit, Lamb Shit, will perform the ceremony. He will have three sons named Ron, Paul, and Maynard.

Ahmed (dang this is too easy) is going to marry some half japanese-half sindhi chick that he meets at an Anime cosplay convention. She will be dressed as Amane Misa, and he will be dressed as Light. She will share the same philosophical views as him: "izallgud," "dang," and of course, "wsup, yo."

Zaid Siddiqui is going to marry...oh, who am I kidding, we all know he's gay.

Safwan is going to meet some girl on Luelinks. They will run away together and get married. She will be just like him: nice, funny, and a chronic procrastinator. As a result, nothing will ever get accomplished.

Raheel is going to search for the perfect girl. His criteria are simple: she must be as perverted as him, and she must have bigger breasts than him. Seeing as this girl doesn't exist, he will settle for some girl he repo's for his dealership because her dad didn't pay his car bills.

Hasan is going to start a thread on CY forums about something obscure, like some book he read or how much he loves Hani, and then some girl will start correspondence with him through that thread. Eventually, the nazi moderators at Crescent Youth will shutdown the thread and place it in the Fitnah Archives. So, then, there will be a fatwa passed, by Sheikh Nooh Ha Meem Sajdah, that he has to marry her or he'll lose his Wahabi status. So he does, and they go to Hogwarts for their honeymoon.

Bilal is going to start looking for a girl to marry him. Unfortunately, no one is going to want to marry someone that dresses better than them. Therefore, he will just end up marrying a Malaysian robot girl, made of parts from used MacBooks and iPods. However, even though it is against her programming, she will eventually divorce him because of all the awkward moments at the dinner table.

I guess I should predict my own marriage, huh? Well, I think it's pretty obvious. I am going to be at the screening of Jessica Alba's newest movie. After the movie, I will realize that I was sitting next to Jessica Alba the whole time. Jessica Alba will ask me, "What did you think of the movie?" And Ima be like "It sucked balls, just like 'Into the Blue,' 'Fantastic Four,' and most of your movies." And then Jessica Alba will be like, "Omg, no1s ever been honest with me before." So then, we're going to go out to get some coffee and Jessica Alba will ask me about my beard, and I'm like "Oh, its because I'm Muslim." And then I'll tell her about Islam. Jessica Alba will then become a hijabi and a pious Muslim. After that, Jessica Alba will ask me "Oh, how do you get married in Islam?" And Ima be like "You have to marry the person that introduced you to Islam." So then, Ima marry Jessica Alba, and we'll fall in love. However, I won't let Jessica Alba change her name to Jessica Jangda. That way I can still introduce her to my friends as Jessica Alba. The End.

I've lost my touch, have I? By the way, if anyone else wants to have their marriage predicted, just post, and I'll TRY my best to predict who they end up with.

First of all, this post is dedicated to my valentine, as of 9:21 this morning, Nabil Parwez. Enjoy.

I tried to keep in touch, okay, look,
some glitch unfriended us on facebook.
Same thing happened with myspace,
and you're no longer in my faves,
I've tried calling you, to no avail,
but I always get your voicemail.
I've been trying to text you,
ever since I heard Haseeb left you.
Apparently, you called him scary-mean,
Cause he called you a hoe for wearing jeans.
He wouldn't let you talk to your friend Bob,
and didn't let you go anywhere without Niqab.
So, you were like, "Hell no, I'm no ninja,
and you're a hypocrite, you don’t even instinja."
So, one day after speech-and-debate,
you met this high schooler named Zaid.
He was kinda cute, so you were like "Let's go,"
and ignored the fact that he was kinda metro.
He dressed nice and talked great,
he even wore an argyle on the first date.
He seemed too good to be true,
but he was, cause he did suddenly leave you.
And you begged and cried, "WHY?"
He responded, "cause I like guys."
But your fling with Rehan was a worse stint,
because he was impossible to converse with.
Not to mention, he was brutally honest,
And all he talked about were Batman comics.
When you were mad, he'd be like "okay, go!
leave me alone, I'm playing halo,
Don't piss me off, or we're not making up,
I'll turn into the Hulk and start breaking stuff.
Whatever, I don't need you, let's stop,
You're nothing compared my xbox."
So now you're all depressed,
and wondering who to go to next.
So you went on a friend's persuasion,
and met a kid who you heard liked asians.
You decided to go on this blind date,
hoping you might find fate.
But when you got there, he turned around,
because he realized that you were brown,
He was like "Man this is a disaster,
I'm an effin TKD master.
You think you're asian? Bitch, please,
you don't even know Japanese.
I'm out girl, I'm leaving,
like King Charles from Sweden.
I'm a nerd now? Don't even start that,
I'm going home to play Starcraft."
So you left thinking, "I'll give it one last try,
I'll try dating a black guy!"
You wanted to find a fine G,
And you heard of this guy on p90.
So you met up this kid named Saad,
But when you saw him, you thought, "Oh, god"
He wasn't black, but had that skin tone,
he probably doesn't even have his own ring tone.
You had your heart set on dating a rapper,
And then you heard this high pitched laughter.
You heard of a boy that spits rhymes to Bhangra,
Of course, I'm talking about Lil Bangla,
His sick freestyles got him honorable mention,
at the third annual BAGH convention.
So you asked him, if he'd give it a try,
but he's like "Naw, I'm not a one woman guy."
Finally, after all your wishing,
he decided to take you fishing.
But things started getting weird,
when you noticed fish in his beard,
which gave you an unconscious message,
that maybe this cat has a fish fetish,
and your silly notions came true,
when he picked up his rod and said "I love you."
So you're like "Whatever, I’m outtie,
continue this dinner without me."
And he's like "I don't need a date
as long I still have my fishing bait,"
So now your attitude is "This isn't worth it,
this isn't how I'm going to find Mr. Perfect,
Guys like this are dime-a-dozen."
So you went to Pakistan and married your cousin.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I will never be able to figure out women. That is it. I don't know if this is true of every heterosexual guy or if it's just me, but I don't think I'll ever understand what goes through their heads. Whether its my friends or my relatives, I honestly feel like they speak another language and operate on another frequency. For example, when a girl asks you for your opinion...she doesn't want your opinion.

Example:
Girl: yeah, so jessica was such a bitch and like i got this new purse and she saw it and its this really aMaZiNg purse from my favorite store...XPRESS!!! and like all the girls were like "O M G that is such an awesome purse!!! =) but then jessica said that it was a nice purse and im just thinking like wtf why didnt she say it was SO EFFIN AMAZING and shes such a bitch and OMG she thinks shes all that cuz her bf is hot, but i think zaid is not that hot, he's alrite, but his lil brother sufyan is SOOO cute...OMG! id totally let him take me to homecoming...but jessica is still the biggest bitch ever...do u think im overreacting?
Imran: well, Jessica did say its nice...
Girl: OMG you totally dont understand...LOLL youre such a guy...
Imran: ok, ima go kill myself
Girl: ok, BYE!!!! =D

This is what she wants to hear:

Imran: yeah you're 100% right
Girl: OMG, you are so smart. If only you were straight, I'd totally marry you!!!!
Imran: I am.
Girl: i gtg, BYE!!!! =D

Another Example:
Girl: wut do u think of this RAD outfit i just got!?!?!
Imran: umm, its nice, i guess...wuts wrong with ur old outfit?
Girl: OMG!!! you cant wear the same thing twice, DUH!!!
Imran: wuts wrong with that?
Girl: DUDE! wut if theres one person that was at the party i went to and saw that ive worn this outfit before??? then all my friends would stop talking to me and no one would marry me and i wouldnt get a job and i'd die alone....!!! HELP ME!!!
Imran: ok, ima go play xbox now.
Girl: go play ur stupid kiddy GAMES! ima go count the number of shoes i have and listen to avril lavigne and eat some rocky road.

However, guys are pretty easy to figure out. I think it can all be explained in this Spiderman comic I found on LueLinks:

I'm insanely in love with you. You are my everything. I am weak and you are my strength. I am a penis and you are my condom. I am a hand and you are my glove. You're the ketchup on my fries and the masala on my food. You are the meeta in my paan and the roti to my salaan. You are the ranch on my hot wings. I am that stupid waitress at China King that always asks for tip, and you are my tip. I am a black girl and you are my weave. You are the Halo to my Xbox 360 and the Super Smash Bros Brawl to my Wii. You're the Tracy to my Yao. You're the Shabaz to my Ilyas. I am Adil and you are my Abid. I am 2girls and you are my 1cup. You are the Zelda to my Link and the Peach to my Mario. You are the Sarosh to my AW. You are the gajar to my halwa. I am Bangali and you are my fish. I am Kashif and you are my Lamb of Shit. I am Shariq and you are my Fajr Program. You are the tabacco in my cigarettes. I am a random internet nerd and you are my Ron Paul. I am George Bush and you are my Iraq War. You are the Benazir to my Bhutto. I'm Saad and you are my "dang." I am Shaheed Ahmed Khan and you are my young Asian girl. You are the Zaid Siddiqui to my Sufyan and the Zaid Noor to my Bilal Siddiqui. You're the Haris to my Jangda and the Saad to my Shaheed. You're the Rehan's cousin to my Rehan. I am Safwan and you are my Pikachu. You're the black to my Saad. You're the fascism to my Haseeb. You are Abishek Bachan and I am Umair Silat.

When you are with me, everything makes sense. When you smile and laugh, my day goes by better. You complete me. You are like that long piece in tetris when I have four lines of garbage. If it wasn't for you, I don't know what I'd do.

I love you, I really do.

Hi, my name is Saad, and I'm an alcoholic,
My parents had a baby and they didn't know what to call it,
I don't know why they named me Saad,
I think it was cuz I was initially a paad,
when I came out, my parents were surprised,
"How on Earth did I give birth to a black guy?
This can't be real, this must be fake,
Doctor, there's been a mistake!"
"Sir, I assure you that's your child,
and please stop acting wild."
"But that can't be my son, see,
he's supposed to be Saraiki."
"Sir you're gonna have to leave us,
if you don't, we'll cut off his penis."
That's exactly what they did,
and that's why I'm not a 100% black kid,
So now the only girls I can get are asian,
I can't find any girls of my persuasion,
Girls won't give me any digits, let alone one word,
They kicked me out of Chinese Club for being an anime nerd,
I'm hafiz, but they say I read without spirit,
and everyone talks about Imran Ahmed's qirat,
Any girl he wants, he can have,
He just looks at them with eye contact.
He was always better, that's what people would tell us,
and his good looks always made me jealous.
I love Imran Ahmed, more than a brother,
I'm glad that we don't have the same mother,
We were destined to be together, that's what people told us,
Way before he drove a pink ford focus,
Way before he fell in love with American cars,
People said me and him were gonna go far,
I love his car and the way he turns it on,
especially when he calls it his "decepticon."
Sometimes we talk on the phone till dawn,
till we hear the Imran Ahmed fajr azaan.
But we also argue and fight,
he thinks he's better than me at Counterstrike,
but I'm better there's no debate,
I'll beat him while watching Stargate,
I'll own him with an AK or an Awp,
we'll see whose username is on top.
But we're better than friends, we're brothers,
maybe one day we'll take it one step further,
but until the day we can both get nanga,
we'll just spend our days talking crap about jangra.

I would like to say that the spot for my wife is officially open. I know that a lot of people have been waiting for this, so before I get everyone's hopes up, I would like to give a small list of requirements for this lucky lady.

-Must be at least 5 feet tall.

-Cannot be taller than 5 feet, 2 inches.

-Must be able to dunk.

-Must have long hair that changes color depending on my mood.

-Must be at least Rank 40 on Halo 3 Online.

-Must have watched every episode of "The Simpsons," "Futurama," "Family Guy," "Chappelle's Show," "Arrested Development," "The Colbert Report," and "The Office."

-Must be able to kick Rehan's ass.

-Must have Sharingan. (for those of you unfamiliar with Naruto: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jutsu_%28Naruto%29#Sharingan)

-Must have memorized the Quran, the Bible, and the lyrics to every Eminem song.

-Must be able to cook biryani better than my mom's biryani.

If anyone knows any girls that fit this category, please tell them to contact me. Thank you.