In my humble 27 years on this planet, one of the things I've learned is that you should always be careful of someone who acts as if they have nothing to lose. This person is usually only concerned with self-preservation and their actions will ultimately compromise the people around them.

I understand the frustration and pain that the Muslims have been feeling as of late. For the last month, we've all been bombarded with images of innocent people being killed and our politicians just don't seem to care. Why is that? Before we jump into your standard conspiracy theories and “Jews control everything” garbage, let’s actually analyze our own behavior, as a community:

1) We claim that politicians don't care about us, right? How many of us vote in midterm elections or primaries? How many of us are politically active? Before this recent chain of events, how many of us had even attended a protest or written a Congressman? I know I hadn't. We showed complete apathy to what is going on in the world, until about a month ago. Until we are willing to participate in the political process, we will always be ignored. We need less Muslim doctors, engineers, accountants, franchise owners and more Muslim journalists, reporters, politicians, writers, public speakers, activists. We literally don't have a voice. And if we don't have a voice...THEY DON’T GET TO HEAR OUR SIDE OF THE STORY.

2) Bashing Obama (or any other politician) for not standing up for Palestine is stupid. There has not been, nor will there be for at least the next decade or two, a Commander-in-Chief that is sympathetic to the Palestinian cause. There is simply no way to get that far up in the political system, in either political party, with those beliefs (e.g. Ron Paul). Politicians are not altruistic public servants...they are diplomats. I'm not saying that they are evil or immoral; I'm just saying that they won't sacrifice their political careers for a self-absorbed population that doesn't even vote. They are a part of the system, and if you want them on your team, you have to learn to play their game and speak their language. (On a side note, I have a lot of respect for that Muslim government official that resigned in Britain a couple of days ago).

3) Why does the American population protect the interests of the Jewish community? They're only about 1.5-2% of the population of the US, yet their community's needs are always addressed. No, it's not a Jewish conspiracy funded by caramel macchiatos and diet colas. And if you want to say it's because the Jewish community has more money...go visit Dubai, Qatar, or Kuwait and tell me which religious community has more money. It's because they know the game. They vote, they lobby, they back political candidates that they know will protect their interests, while we rally behind third party candidates that don't have a shot in hell. They play the game and Muslims refuse to.

4) 80 years ago, no politician cared about women. 50 years ago, no politician cared about African Americans. 15 years ago, no politician cared about homosexuals. Now, those three interest groups are some of the most powerful forces in American politics. Appealing to women, African-American, and LBGT voters is VITAL in order to get elected. How did they accomplish this? By unifying, getting a single voice, and making things happen. When was the last time the Muslims had a leader that they could rally behind? The only Muslims I see in media are those progressive apologists who write books like "Islam: Please Like Us."

5) Muslims are not unified. We are constantly arguing among ourselves. Forget the fact that all the sects of Islam isolate themselves and are always disagreeing: even within Sunni Islam, we are constantly arguing. The only time Sunnis get along is when they bash Shias, Ismailis, or Qadianis...WE CAN'T EVEN AGREE ON WHAT DAY EID IS. When was the last time you saw Christians arguing about what day Easter is or Hindus arguing about what day Diwali is? Until we get unified and let go our small differences for the great good, no one is going to take our concerns as a community seriously.

6) We need better community leaders. Period. Our current leaders are more focused on photo-ops with politicians than pushing for the advancement of the American Muslim. They were standing with Sheila Jackson Lee at every Eid prayer and now she's standing with Israel. The first time I met Tom Delay was at Synott Masjid and I had no idea what a corrupt Islamaphobic bigot he was at the time. Looking back, I cannot believe we let that Devil anywhere near a masjid. In addition to that, our current leaders bring too much tribalism from the countries they come from. “Arabs eat outside meat.” “Pakistanis don’t know how to read Arabic properly.” “Turkish people pray weird.” our current leaders are focused on representing their small sects (Braelvis, Deobandis, Salafis, Sufis) rather than unifying. Instead of combining ideas and learning from the diversity of American Islam, we just stick to our old ways and argue about whether you can do wudu with socks on or not. Our community leaders refuse to evolve. I only pray that our next generation of leaders is better. We don't need more masjids to represent every division of Islam there is...we need people to come together, not break apart into their comfort zones.

7) Stop posting random articles from random no-name websites. The Internet is full of false articles, photo-shopped pictures, and propaganda and NO ONE is verifying the links that they are posting. I'm ashamed at some of the ignorant things I've seen Muslims post in the last month.

1. People are afraid of assimilating into the culture that they live in.

2. Religion is being used as an excuse to be arrogant.

3. People are pitying themselves, instead of accepting responsibility for their shortcomings and making the necessary changes.

4. People are afraid of questioning their own beliefs and values.

5. Religious people do not read their own religious text.

6. People have a weak relationship with their parents; they either fear, hate, disrespect, or disobey them.

7. Women are not getting attention from their mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and husbands. They are forced to seek it from other sources, such as idiots on Facebook.

8. Women define themselves by their looks. Men define themselves by how much money they make.

9. The social benefits of being religious are encouraging people to become "righteous" for the wrong reasons.

10. People are focusing on the ritualistic aspects of religion/culture and forgetting the fundamentals of humanity, such as respecting one's parents, kindness to others, and leaving judgement up to God.

Life is simple. Let's stop making things so complicated.

I like to consider myself a heavy thinker. I spend a lot of time lost in my own thoughts. My sisters complain because I take 45-minute showers in which I analyze the dilemmas of the day: which class is the best in Monday Night Combat and why desi girls are obsessed with doctors.

Okay, so one day, while I was taking one of my thought-showers, I realized something important: there needs to be some serious change in this world. There are so many problems today: floods, disappearing middle class, deterioration of art, selfish rich people who don't care about helping the needy, hate crimes in the name of religion, money-hungry insurance companies, corrupt politicians, and the list goes on.

I also realized one more thing: I'm amazing. I came to the conclusion that I'm incredibly smart to have figured all of this out. If these problems exist, then that means no one else knows about them and that it's my responsibility to do something to make the world a better place. So I came up with this awesome idea...I'm going to become a speaker!

I've decided that I'm going to contribute to the greater good by talking. I'm going to go to all these different places and give speeches on these issues that only I know about. I'm going to change the world, one Facebook status at a time.

So here's where my idea becomes really awesome: people are going to LOVE me. I'm going to use big words, talk enthusiastically, invoke religion when necessary, and people are just going to eat it up. The genius of it is that I'm not going to actually have to do anything because I'm already doing my part by talking about the problems instead of actually solving them. Basically, I can do whatever I want as long as I'm making the world a better place with my mouth.

I can give speeches on the evils of spending too much on clothes while rocking Armani. I can pull up to anti-abortion rallies with my would've-been-baby-mama and no one will know. I can give Friday kuthbas, while hoping no one saw Thursday night's tagged pictures of me grinding on some girl at Rich's. I can run to the car during a wedding, have a few drinks, and then make it back in time to recite some Quran on stage. I can go to a masjid and make a 30-minute prayer asking God to protect me from the heathens who date, while my girlfriend is in the ladies section, losing her wudu.

Okay, maybe I went a little too far, but honestly, it's needed. I know I don't normally do this, but I'm going to step out of my satire box for a little bit. I'm sick and tired of these worthless people. It's not even the corrupt politicians in American government or the useless Pakistani government that I'm talking about. That's another monster that I don't think I can affect with some scrubby blog that nobody reads. It's the sickness that has spread to the people around me. People I see every day on Facebook and I read about in these nonsense Pakistani newspapers they stick on my windshield every time I go to pick up some naan.

Just stop it. No one said you had to be religious. If you're going to go up there and talk about religion or world issues, then back it up. Otherwise, don't talk. We don't need people to talk about the problems; we need people to solve them. If you have a girlfriend, it's not a big deal. Honestly, no one cares. But no one made you go up there and go HAM on the people that do. If you want to say interest is from the devil, then don't roll up in your brand new 3-series that you're "islamic-financing." Don't tell me it's wrong to spend excessively and then invite me to your daughter's twelve wedding events that each cost more than my house. You could feed a village in Bangladesh for a month instead of serving Filet Mignon to some spoiled memon kid for the eighth night in a row.

My battle is not with the people that do these things. If someone wants to spend lavishly, they have every right to. God knows, if I had the money, I'd pay a psychic to write my blogs directly from my brain. My problem is with the hypocrites: the ones who post annoying Facebook statuses with their holier-than-thou attitudes and feel that they have the right to pass judgement upon others and that the rules don't apply to them.

No one cares what you do. Just don't go up there and condemn people that partake in those activities that you yourself do. No one said you had to be a role model; you chose to be one. There's a certain responsibility that comes with casting yourself in the public eye. Without actions to back them up, your words are meaningless. Admit to yourself that you enjoy the social benefits of being "religious." Just be honest that you enjoy the attention that you get because you know how to implement the "fear of God" in the hearts of the pseudo-pious. Just because you are good at public-speaking or have some knowledge doesn't mean that you should be giving speeches. Knowledge is not the same as intelligence.

We need legitimate role models: people who have good character and good ideas. We have enough pundits, radio shows, and speakers; we need people who actually follow religion rather than just talk about it. Hypocrisy has an extremely strong stench; we can smell it on you and it smells worse than my colitis. And once we know you're a hypocrite, we want to do exactly what you told us NOT to do, just to spite you. So please, don't talk if you can't back up what you say with your actions. It's counter-productive. We'd rather you just stick to selling cell phones or used cars or whatever it is that you do when you're not polluting the air with your mouth diarrhea.

As a final note, the next person I see who says something that I know that they don't follow...I'm going to call them out. I don't care if it's some random Facebook status or an Islamic speech at a masjid. If you agree with me, I urge you to do the same. We need to stop this sickness. Our community needs people who act, not actors.

I know I haven't blogged in awhile, but I feel that there is an important issue that I want to draw attention to. It is statically proven that every 90 minutes, a beautiful girl is diagnosed with Getting with a DoucheBag. The causes of GDB include insecurity, alcohol, jealousy of her friends, pressure from her parents to get married, and mental instability. Please take a few minutes out of your day and spread the word. With your help, we can stop GDB altogether.

To all the women out there, especially Pakistani ones, I have a modest request: PLEASE STOP BEING CRAZY. Life isn't meant to be difficult and I've noticed that people make it a lot harder than it has to be.

Men tend to define themselves by how much money they make and women tend to define themselves by how pretty they are. Fortunately, men can make money...all they really have to do is get a decent degree and they'll make enough so that most girls will say yes. But women, unfortunately, can't control how good they look. Makeup can only take you so far. And that makes you constantly compare yourself to other girls, seek validation from the men around you, and worst of all, it makes you lower yourself to something you aren't. Also, it makes you torture the men around you, for example: me.

But I promise you, it's all in your head. Life is what you make it and as long as you are a good person and treat the people around you with respect, you will find someone amazing. There's no need to throw yourselves at every guy that smiles at you or get obsessed with the few nice guys that you meet. Don't settle for anything less than your soul mate. It will all work out, I promise. You WILL find someone and he WILL be amazing. You just have to be patient. There are 3.2 billion men in the world. Do you honestly believe it's impossible to find a decent guy with those odds?

I'm tired of seeing great girls around me settling for the first idiot that comes around just because they have this baseless fear of ending up alone. Stop buying into the "oh if I'm too old" or "I have a past" garbage. There's no expiration date on love and the best relationships in life happen when you aren't looking for them.

So to all my sisters out there, stop selling yourself short. The good guys want more than just a pretty face. Except me. My girl has to be at least a 9.5 and I don't care about her personality and she can't have ever even liked anyone else. But this applies to all the OTHER good guys.

Take care.

Why do we do the things that we do?

Some people are motivated by a higher being promising them an eternal bachelor pad with 72 virgins and an unlimited supply of milk, honey, and weed. They follow the rules of this higher being, and they know that if they do this, even if their instincts are telling them otherwise, they will eventually be compensated for their actions.

Some people are motivated by an internal moral compass. They are born with a code, usually defined by their experiences and what they were taught in Kindergarten. They follow this code and don't stray from it. They know that when they deviate, it always turns around and bites them in the ass. They've learned, usually the hard way, that Karma is one mean, angry, cold, heartless biznitch.

Some people simply do things to please themselves in the moment: whatever desire they want, they take it and don't look back. If they are hungry, they eat. If they want something, they take it. If they are hor---, well you get my drift.

However, most people act in a mix of these three things. They have their internal moral compass, but it's not solid and always changing. They try their best to balance what they truly believe and what their religion/culture tells them to believe. At the same time, they go against their ideals sometimes for some sort of temporary pleasure, but they usually bounce back. It's not a big deal; it's like cheating on your diet by scarfing down a few oreos when no one is looking.

Here's what I think it comes down to. Do what works for you. If you strongly believe in whatever religion you were brought up in, go for it. If your experiences in life have taught you not to lie and cheat, then don't. If you really believe that you can smoke/drink/screw whoever you want without consequence, then go for it. However, morality only comes down to one thing. Don't hurt others, no matter what you do. Besides that, do whatever floats your boat and lets you sleep at night.

I remember I had a similar conversation with one of my nurses. In one sentence, she put it really well: "Don't be an asshole." And she's right...that's really all there is to it

I've realized a few things. First of all, friendships are about equivalency. You give to someone, and you get. You console them, and in return they console you. You give them a ride to UH, they give you a ride to Toyota Center. You help them with their homework, they help you study for a test. You honor their secrets, they honor yours. Most importantly, you respect them, and they respect you. These are how friendships work. And I honestly feel that all my good friends follow this way of thinking. That's what keeps my friendships with them are so strong. When somethings wrong, we tell each other straight up. It's just how friendships work.

However, sometimes you'll meet people that don't follow this way of thinking. They believe that the world revolves around them. These are the friends that put themselves at an higher priority and expect everyone else to accommodate. These are the ones that will blow you off or disrespect you for their own agenda, even when you've never done so to them. These are the friends that you regret investing time and effort into when you realize how much garbage they really are. These are the selfish friends that will never be happy because they are too involved in their own misery to even stop and think about you or how you're day went. Let's give these unbeneficial friends a name...let's call them "leeches." My dear friends, I advise you to stay clear of leeches because things never end good when you involve yourself with a leech.

I'm a simple guy. I have a few good friends, a lot of acquaintances, and awesome family. I have almost no enemies; there is no one that cringes when I see them. There are very few people that when I see them, I awkwardly look at my phone and pretend not to see them (don't act like you don't do that, you dirty bastards). Fortunately, I'm on good terms with almost everyone I know. I can say this is true for most of the people I hang out with. We see no need to complicate our lives with useless garbage and drama. The biggest dilemma in my life is whether we go to China King or Eastern Grill after juma. And that's mostly because Adil and Abid are Eastern Grill lobbyists.

Unfortunately, most people don't see things like me. They aren't satisfied with a simple life. They need more and more complications. They need endless baby-mama drama. They can't leave their crappy circle of self-destruction. After all, life without drama is boring, isn't it? Isn't it SO much fun to cry your heart out because your boyfriend cheated on you? Don't you have the time of your life when your friends don't talk to you anymore because you started doing drugs? And I can't think of anything better than a Sunday morning hangover. Well, don't come to me when some thugs are coming to kick your ass because you flirted with the wrong girl. Don't come to me; I'm going to be at Rehan's house playing Halo.

Unfortunately, it's that time of the year again. Twice a year, the Muslim community in Houston divides itself on what day Eid is. And by Muslim, I'm including all Muslims, not just Sunnis. But even within Sunnism, there's two Eids. That's how bad it's gotten. There's the ISGH arabs who say that we should go with the people in Saudi Arabia because that's where Hajj takes place and that we should celebrate it on the same days as the people who went to Hajj. Plus they don't have to buy two phone cards to call their relatives. And then there's the Adil/Abid Pakistanis who say that each community should go by the moon sighting in its own town. Both sides have their points, but the result is a divided community.

I propose that instead of arguing about Wednesday versus Friday, we compromise and go with Thursday. That way the Arabs can be happy that the backwards non-Arabs didn't win, and the Pakistanis can be happy that they were at least able to cause SOME fitnah this year.