As our life continues through this continuation that we refer to as time, we realize that we cannot relive those previous events that defined us. Instead, we can only look to the events that are forthcoming; the very same events that will continue to define us. So do we ignore the changes that life throws our way, or do we adapt to them, learn from them, and ultimately better ourselves because of them. Do we allow these changes to penetrate our condom of confidence, or do we decide to not wear a condom at all? However, if we allow our confidence to be broken, then that is the only way new life can form. A new child, by the name of Future, shall be born of this embrace of change. These are the thoughts that cause my pillow to be soaked with tears of regret and tears of anticipation. Alas, I pity the fool who does not recognize satire when he reads it. Penis.

Yeah, so just comment, and I'll predict your future. You don't need an account. Just comment, and I'll tell you where you're gonna end up.

Haris will become a famous rapper for his free-style, "Why I Hate Fish." He will get millions of endorsements and be known as one of the best rappers to come out of the South. His stage name will be "Lil Bangla," and his breakout album, "The Bangla Chronicles," will go quadruple uranium. However, he will eventually start a fued with Lil Wayne, and then, he will go on to be the forerunner of the upcoming Southside Movement. Unfortunately, he will lose all his fans due to an accidental use of the N-word during a freestyle battle with Lil Wayne.

Raheel will apply for a job as a ticket master at Toyota Center. Once he gets the job, he will then be shooting around one day on the goals, and Tracy McGrady will see him. Tracy McGrady will offer to play one on one with him and Raheel will beat him. Then, Raheel will get drafted onto the Houston Rockets, where he will be starting Power Forward. Then, Raheel will lose all his endorsements for raping a 17 year old groupie, even though he claims it was consensual.

Hafsa will try to become a doctor, like every other desi kid, but then will later realize that her true passion is cooking and cleaning. She will change her major to Home Economics and will later get her PhD in cooking. After that, Dr. Silat, PhD, will then become a very successful housewife and be known nationwide for her awesome biryani, which will be almost as good as my mom's. However, all her success will be overshadowed by her brother's, who will go on to become a famous celebrity-look-a-like porn star by the name of Abi-suck Bachan.

Sajid will study hard at the University of Houston and make really good grades. He will eventually get promoted to manager of the HEB he works at, but he will still keep school his main priority. Eventually he will get accepted into Baylor college of Medicine and emerge a successful Podatrist. After three years of practicing and earning $500,000 a year, he will give up his success to pursue a career as a professional counter-strike player. Because he won't make any money as a professional counter-strike player, his hot asian wife will totally pwn him by leaving him for his good, black friend, Lil Bangla.

Zaid Siddiqui will become an underwear model for Abecrombie and Fitch. However, they will eventually fire him when they found out he is not really gay, but just looks like it.

Bilal Siddiqui will spend five more years in college. First, he will spend a year in Malaysia studying premed, then he will spend a year in Iraq studying Liberal Arts, then he will spend a year in Nigeria studying Business, then he will spend a year in Bangladesh studying Economics,
and then he will spend a year in India studying Agriculture. Ultimately, he will drop out of school to own a half-gas station, half-cell phone shop called SiddCo. However, he will get sued by Citgo, the major oil company, for copyright infringement.

Hasan Gopalani will become President of Crescent Youth. However, he will later discover that he was only made president of CY because Shariq had done a lot of money laundering and insider trading using the CY name. Hasan will spend 15 years in prison because of Shariq's antics. After Hasan gets out, he will tell people crazy, hilarious stories about prison, but no one will believe him because his stories will be too crazy and have no point.

Rizwan Ali will sign up for the nasheed contest his senior year at MIST. His self-written, autobiographical song, "No One Likes Me Except Allah," will get him a first place trophy at regionals and nationals. Sami Yusuf will be so impressed with his nasheed that he will sign him to his record label, Ummah Records. Rizwan's first single, "Allah Made Me Like This," will spend three weeks at number 1 on the billboards, and his first album, "Rizwan Ali LP," will go double-platinum. Unfortunately, he will lose all his success when "Saudi Aramco" magazine publishes his secret album of corny love songs. Saudi Aramco will not reveal who the source of the tape was; instead they will refer to him as Jimran Angda.

Haseeb will go to the islands of Bangladesh to do missionary work and aid the monsoon victims. His powerful speeches and amazing Tae Kwon Do skills will get him immense popularity and support. He will start to blame the Bangali mainlanders for the poor situation of the islanders. He will soon be elected Vice Chancellor of Bangladesh, and then, with the support of the Facist-Wahabi, will become the dictator of Bangladesh. He will then change the name of the Democratic-Republic of Bangladesh to the Wahabi-Salafi Shariah State of Jangdabad. However, he will be assassinated by a progressive United States CIA agent. The US will not reveal who the assasin was; instead they will refer to him as Jimran Angda.

Rehan is going to have a really big party when he graduates from college. He's going to invite all his friends and family. At the party, someone will say something about Nintendo being a "kiddy company." This comment will spark a debate, which will result in him killing the person who said that. Then, when people try to calm him down, he will get even more angry. Feeling threatened, he will transform into the Incredible Hulk, except he will be brown instead of green. He will destroy the building and kill a few more people, including Haris. The police will eventually calm him down with tranquilizer darts. Finally, they will ship him to Haseeb's island where he will be used as an instrument of war.

Abid will go on to become an extremely successful doctor. At the age of 25, he will win the Nobel Peace prize for discovering the cure for baldness, but for some reason, it won't work on him. After winning the prize, Abid will donate $2 million to Al-Noor masjid and $5 million to the circus that Adil works at. By donating the money, Abid will be automatically promoted to a Level 52 Braelvi. Adil, however, will enjoy a successful career as a professional Braelvi clown. His famous act will be his ability to make one eye look one way, and the other eye look the other way.

Hani will be frustrated with his biology test scores and will decide he needs to change things up if he hopes on improving his scores. To study for the final, Hani decides to isolate himself and goes to study in a cave near his house. However, he will get really bored and eventually fall asleep. Hani will wake up in the year 3007, where Haseeb will be Supreme Chancellor of the World and Dhaka will be capital of the world.

**I apologize if this posts offends haseeb or any other wahabi**

I would like to say that the spot for my wife is officially open. I know that a lot of people have been waiting for this, so before I get everyone's hopes up, I would like to give a small list of requirements for this lucky lady.

-Must be at least 5 feet tall.

-Cannot be taller than 5 feet, 2 inches.

-Must be able to dunk.

-Must have long hair that changes color depending on my mood.

-Must be at least Rank 40 on Halo 3 Online.

-Must have watched every episode of "The Simpsons," "Futurama," "Family Guy," "Chappelle's Show," "Arrested Development," "The Colbert Report," and "The Office."

-Must be able to kick Rehan's ass.

-Must have Sharingan. (for those of you unfamiliar with Naruto: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jutsu_%28Naruto%29#Sharingan)

-Must have memorized the Quran, the Bible, and the lyrics to every Eminem song.

-Must be able to cook biryani better than my mom's biryani.

If anyone knows any girls that fit this category, please tell them to contact me. Thank you.