First of all, this post is dedicated to my valentine, as of 9:21 this morning, Nabil Parwez. Enjoy.

I tried to keep in touch, okay, look,
some glitch unfriended us on facebook.
Same thing happened with myspace,
and you're no longer in my faves,
I've tried calling you, to no avail,
but I always get your voicemail.
I've been trying to text you,
ever since I heard Haseeb left you.
Apparently, you called him scary-mean,
Cause he called you a hoe for wearing jeans.
He wouldn't let you talk to your friend Bob,
and didn't let you go anywhere without Niqab.
So, you were like, "Hell no, I'm no ninja,
and you're a hypocrite, you don’t even instinja."
So, one day after speech-and-debate,
you met this high schooler named Zaid.
He was kinda cute, so you were like "Let's go,"
and ignored the fact that he was kinda metro.
He dressed nice and talked great,
he even wore an argyle on the first date.
He seemed too good to be true,
but he was, cause he did suddenly leave you.
And you begged and cried, "WHY?"
He responded, "cause I like guys."
But your fling with Rehan was a worse stint,
because he was impossible to converse with.
Not to mention, he was brutally honest,
And all he talked about were Batman comics.
When you were mad, he'd be like "okay, go!
leave me alone, I'm playing halo,
Don't piss me off, or we're not making up,
I'll turn into the Hulk and start breaking stuff.
Whatever, I don't need you, let's stop,
You're nothing compared my xbox."
So now you're all depressed,
and wondering who to go to next.
So you went on a friend's persuasion,
and met a kid who you heard liked asians.
You decided to go on this blind date,
hoping you might find fate.
But when you got there, he turned around,
because he realized that you were brown,
He was like "Man this is a disaster,
I'm an effin TKD master.
You think you're asian? Bitch, please,
you don't even know Japanese.
I'm out girl, I'm leaving,
like King Charles from Sweden.
I'm a nerd now? Don't even start that,
I'm going home to play Starcraft."
So you left thinking, "I'll give it one last try,
I'll try dating a black guy!"
You wanted to find a fine G,
And you heard of this guy on p90.
So you met up this kid named Saad,
But when you saw him, you thought, "Oh, god"
He wasn't black, but had that skin tone,
he probably doesn't even have his own ring tone.
You had your heart set on dating a rapper,
And then you heard this high pitched laughter.
You heard of a boy that spits rhymes to Bhangra,
Of course, I'm talking about Lil Bangla,
His sick freestyles got him honorable mention,
at the third annual BAGH convention.
So you asked him, if he'd give it a try,
but he's like "Naw, I'm not a one woman guy."
Finally, after all your wishing,
he decided to take you fishing.
But things started getting weird,
when you noticed fish in his beard,
which gave you an unconscious message,
that maybe this cat has a fish fetish,
and your silly notions came true,
when he picked up his rod and said "I love you."
So you're like "Whatever, I’m outtie,
continue this dinner without me."
And he's like "I don't need a date
as long I still have my fishing bait,"
So now your attitude is "This isn't worth it,
this isn't how I'm going to find Mr. Perfect,
Guys like this are dime-a-dozen."
So you went to Pakistan and married your cousin.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm a simple guy. I have a few good friends, a lot of acquaintances, and awesome family. I have almost no enemies; there is no one that cringes when I see them. There are very few people that when I see them, I awkwardly look at my phone and pretend not to see them (don't act like you don't do that, you dirty bastards). Fortunately, I'm on good terms with almost everyone I know. I can say this is true for most of the people I hang out with. We see no need to complicate our lives with useless garbage and drama. The biggest dilemma in my life is whether we go to China King or Eastern Grill after juma. And that's mostly because Adil and Abid are Eastern Grill lobbyists.

Unfortunately, most people don't see things like me. They aren't satisfied with a simple life. They need more and more complications. They need endless baby-mama drama. They can't leave their crappy circle of self-destruction. After all, life without drama is boring, isn't it? Isn't it SO much fun to cry your heart out because your boyfriend cheated on you? Don't you have the time of your life when your friends don't talk to you anymore because you started doing drugs? And I can't think of anything better than a Sunday morning hangover. Well, don't come to me when some thugs are coming to kick your ass because you flirted with the wrong girl. Don't come to me; I'm going to be at Rehan's house playing Halo.