For those of you who don't know, a FAQ is a frequently asked question. Unfortunately, people ask me some really stupid ass questions. Sometimes it's because they've never seen a Muslim or a Hafiz before. Sometimes it's because they are stupid. I'm going to do you guys a favor and answer these questions right now.

Q: Do you talk to girls?
A: No, I don't. I walk around with a blindfold so I don't have to look at girls. If a girl calls my name or tries to draw attention to herself, I Rock Bottom her (with my eyes still closed and gloves on so I don't touch her). I don't even talk to my sisters because it's possible that they aren't really my sisters and that my family has been lying to me this whole time.

Q: How many of your friends are terrorists?
A: Define "terrorist." If by terrorist you mean someone that would kill innocent people for the sake of something really stupid, then I guess yeah, I do have some terrorist friends. I'm pretty sure Rehan would kill over a Smash Brothers match. Besides, the only killing I do is killing clowns on the basketball court. OHHHH.

Q: What is deoderant? (I swear to god this was asked to me by an old desi uncle)
A: Ok, lemme put it in terms you can understand. It's a magic stick that will solve all your problems.

Q: Should women be allowed to drive?
A: Well, actually, I don't see why women should feel the need to leave the house. In fact, if we put a bed in the kitchen, then wouldn't even need to leave their cages.

Q: So you actually memorized the ENTIRE quran?
A: No, I just memorized every other line. Also, I accidentally memorized one of the paras backwards. I also like to make up stuff while I'm leading namaz. It's mostly gibberish.

Q: If I make dua for you, will you make dua for me?
A: No, because that's not a fair trade. Because I'm Hafiz, I'm a superior being to you. Becaues I'm Hafiz, all my actions and beliefs are irrelevant and I'm automatically going to heaven. So, no, I won't waste my time doing dua for you, unless you pay me. I accept paypal.

Q: Why don't you celebrate Christmas?
A: For the same reason you don't celebrate my religious holidays: Ramdhan, Eid 1 & 2, and Eminem's birthday.

Q: Do nonmuslims go to heaven?
A: Actually, I'm not even sure most muslims get to go to heaven. I'll be damned (literally) if Saddam Hussein or Kashif gets into heaven.

Q: Are you going to have an arranged marriage?
A: Option 1: Try my odds, play the field, go through the trouble of finding girls, filtering through those girls to find a mate, then testing her out as a potential wife, then marrying her only to find out six months later that she doesn't know how to make gajar halwa.

Option 2: Give my mom a list of requirements (see my first post), and let her do all the work. That way, I can blame her if things don't work out.

Q: How do you feel about hijab?
A: Saves girls the trouble of having to get 50 dollar haircuts from Ulta and making their hair every day. Besides, there's plenty of hot-jabis, so I wouldn't mind hooking up with one.

Q: How do you feel about homosexuality?
A: As long as they aren't trying to flirt with me (which unfortunatly seems to happen to me more than it should), I'm ok with it. And yes, I flirted with the gay guy at Jack-in-the-Box for some extra ranch sauce. At least I hope it was ranch. (I bet you guys were expecting a Zaid Siddiqui joke, weren't you?)

Ok, that's all the questions I could think of. Every single one of these questions has been asked to me before. They aren't all stupid, but still, I can make fun of whatever I want because it's my blog. Feel free to ask me stupid questions in the comments, and I'll try to answer them. Godspeed.

Seeing as it has been over two months since my last update, this post should be really good. It should be the most creative thing I've ever written. It should inspire you to go do some good. It should really offend you, but too much so that you'll keep coming back. It should reveal some crazy things about me and give you some insight into what I'm thinking. It should really make you think and laugh at the same time. It should make you say, "Wow, I never thought of it that way." It should get me at least ten rishtas before the end of this year. It should be the wittiest satire ever written. It should make all other bloggers delete their blogs out of respect to me. It should get me jobs at Time Magazine and Comedy Central. It should get me a contract with Pendant Publishing. It should get me my own cable TV show called "Jangrafeld." It should give me the power to influence others. This post should be really good.

Too bad it isn't.

I got a weird call the other day. I didn't know the number, it was a different area code. So I picked up, and I was like "hello?" and then the person paused for a bit and was like "...hello?" And then I was like "hey what's up? who's this?" and then she's like "oh hey, i'm the devil." This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Imran: oh..really?
Devil: yeah, fo real.
Imran: can you prove it?
Devil: alrite fine. you were currently about to master-
Imran: OK! I believe you! So, how'd you get my number?
Devil: i got it from Kashif.
Imran: oh..damn. so what's up?
Devil: I just wanted to let you know, keep up the good work.
Imran: ...what are you talking about?
Devil: you're doing a good job, man. I really appreciate your effort.
Imran: thanks...but i thought i was a good guy.
Devil: naw, man you're a great guy. all the stuff you do is really helping me out
Imran: really? like what.
Devil: well first of all, i just wanted to let you know that you're a really funny guy. those religious jokes are really awesome. Tell that one about Jesus and Mohammed walking into a bar!
Imran: Oh...naw I've been trying to stop those.
Devil: Dude, they're awesome, I can get you an HBO special if you want. I did the same for Russel Peters.
Imran: no, it's ok.
Devil: Also, I love how you lead on the ladies.
Imran: umm...i don't think i do that.
Devil: of course you do. always cracking jokes with them, plus your devilish good looks. and right when they fall for you, they find out you're gay and they can't have you.
Imran: damn, even you think I'm gay? I'M NOT GAY!
Devil: oh, then why do you walk like that? and what's your obsession with Haris?
Imran: can't help it, and the Haris thing is just a joke.
Devil: oh, alright. fine stay in the closet. but i do have a problem with one of the things you do.
Imran: what's that?
Devil: you're always making fun of wahabis and braelvis and making them look bad.
Imran: ...but I thought you'd like that!
Devil: naw man, if it wasn't for those guys, I wouldn't have a job. Wahab and Braelv...they really helped me out back in the 1930's when things were getting boring.
Imran: damn, so you're behind these brainwashed scrubs arguing over nothing?
Devil: yeah, that's me. and I'm also behind the West Coast vs. East Coast beef, the Shaq vs. Kobe beef, and the Rehan vs. everyone else beef.
Imran: Damn, ok. But umm...I don't think I can keep helping you.
Devil: why the hell not?
Imran: because I don't wanna go to hell.
Devil: oh...well f you then.
Imran: ...go to hell.
Devil: come on man. its really not that bad. its just really hot and ruled by a dictator. think of it as Rehan's house, without AC.
Imran: I don't even go to his house that much. And I really like AC.
Devil: maybe we can come to some sort of agreement. Help me help you.
Imran: naw man, i'll pass.
Devil: alrite thats, fine. you know, you're pretty cute. you wanna discuss this stuff over dinner sometime?
Imran: no, man. i don't go out with girls. i'm gonna get an arranged marriage to some village girl in Pakistan. or a cousin.
Devil: oh, sucks to be you. anyways, i look forward to meeting you in two years. Salaam.
Imran: two years? what are you talking about? hello? devil?

yeah, so that's my conversation with the devil. what a bitch.

I wonder what Heaven will be like. I know there are general descriptions provided in religious text, but I was thinking about more specific details. For example, will each person have their own heaven and their own reality? Or will heaven be a place where like everyone exists together and have their fantasies fulfilled? Or will it be a combination of everyone's version of heaven in one big heaven? For example, if there's a mall in my version of heaven, will Zaid Siddiqui be working at Abecrombie and Fitch? Will Ahmed own his own dojo? Will Kashif be a rockstar nobody cares about? Will Rizwan Ali finally get married?

In any case, I assume Heaven is a place where all my fantasies will be fulfilled. There will be so many fast food restaurants, but none of it will give you the hours of post-fast food agony. Also, the haircuts will still be $2.99, but the barbers will actually speak English and WON'T ask for tip. Desi people will actually smell nice, especially the girls. Speaking of girls, they won't have mouths. Alright, fine, they can have mouths, but they won't be allowed to talk. Or drive. In Heaven, the internet will never go out and all downloads will run around 700-1000 kbs. There will be cell phone signal everywhere we go, and all the starbucks will have free wi-fi (not that garbage $20 tmobile crap). The speed limit in Heaven will be 50 on city driving and 70 on highways. Cars will give 45 mpg and no one will be allowed to drive trucks. And women won't be allowed to drive...did I already mention that? Neither will old people and Bilal Siddiqui.

A few years ago, people told me that I was hafiz. And because I'm hafiz, I'm apparently allowed to save seven people from going to hell. So, yeah, here's my list:

1. Kimbo: he will be my personal body guard.
2. Eminem: he will be my personal rapper.
3. Michael Jackson: he will be my personal dancer.
4. Kobe Bryant: he will be my personal trainer.
5. Jessica Alba: she will be my personal...umm...i'll find a purpose for her.
6. Adil Farooq: he will be my personal jestor.
7. Wildcard

I'm leaving that wildcard open for one of you scrubs who's sure that they're going to hell, but is willing to do my homework for the next two years. Or if I can't get married, I'll use that wildcard to get a wife. I don't know.

I've realized a few things. First of all, friendships are about equivalency. You give to someone, and you get. You console them, and in return they console you. You give them a ride to UH, they give you a ride to Toyota Center. You help them with their homework, they help you study for a test. You honor their secrets, they honor yours. Most importantly, you respect them, and they respect you. These are how friendships work. And I honestly feel that all my good friends follow this way of thinking. That's what keeps my friendships with them are so strong. When somethings wrong, we tell each other straight up. It's just how friendships work.

However, sometimes you'll meet people that don't follow this way of thinking. They believe that the world revolves around them. These are the friends that put themselves at an higher priority and expect everyone else to accommodate. These are the ones that will blow you off or disrespect you for their own agenda, even when you've never done so to them. These are the friends that you regret investing time and effort into when you realize how much garbage they really are. These are the selfish friends that will never be happy because they are too involved in their own misery to even stop and think about you or how you're day went. Let's give these unbeneficial friends a name...let's call them "leeches." My dear friends, I advise you to stay clear of leeches because things never end good when you involve yourself with a leech.

Dang, all these scrubs are getting married pretty early. 21, 20...even as young as 15. The reality is that my friends are probably going to start getting married soon, which is pretty gay, because I have no intention of getting hitched within the next few years (AT LEAST). However, to each his own. In any case, I have a few predictions, like always, as to what I think is going to go down over the next 2-3 years.

Adil and Abid are going to marry a pair of Punjabi braelvettes. These girls will be so pious, that they will willingly submit themselves to house arrest. Adil and Abid are going to place ankelettes on their wives that automatically shocks them whenever they leave the house. If they ever need to get something from the car, or get groceries, they will have to ask Adil to bring it home on the way back from his work at the circus.

Haseeb is going to marry a girl so strict, that she even wears abaya in front of him. One day, he will test her and ask her to take her abaya off when its just him, and she'll say "NO!" This act will turn him on, something that hasn't happened to him since he was 12 (that day at Madinah Masjid, remember?)

Haris is going to end up hooking up with one of his black Lil Bangla fans. However, he will later find out that she's not really African-American, but just a really dark shade of Bangali Brown.

Rehan is not going to settle for anything less than Queen Nerd. He will meet her on xbox live, after she pwned him 28-1 in Call of Duty 4. This act will turn him on, something that hasn't happened to him since he was 12. He will meet her up, they will become friends, and fall in love. On their wedding day, Rehan will be like "So, mom, what do you think of her?" His mom will absentmindedly respond, "Oh, I've liked her since she was a little girl." Then Rehan will be like, "OMG SHE'S MY COUSIN, ISNT SHE!!! YOU TRICKED ME." At that point, he will evolve into the Incredible Hulk and destroy everything at the wedding, even the Wii's they had set up for the guests to play. In response, she will evolve into She-Hulk, calm him down and explain that she is his cousin, but that doesn't mean they can't love each other. Damning society, they will remain married, and have three sons named Spiderman, Batman, and Kashif.

Kashif is going to marry some chick he meets at a Lamb of Shit concert. At first, it will just be a casual fling, but when he finds out that she likes Ron Paul and showing up at people's houses randomly, he'll realize its fate and marry her that day. The lead singer of Lamb of Shit, Lamb Shit, will perform the ceremony. He will have three sons named Ron, Paul, and Maynard.

Ahmed (dang this is too easy) is going to marry some half japanese-half sindhi chick that he meets at an Anime cosplay convention. She will be dressed as Amane Misa, and he will be dressed as Light. She will share the same philosophical views as him: "izallgud," "dang," and of course, "wsup, yo."

Zaid Siddiqui is going to marry...oh, who am I kidding, we all know he's gay.

Safwan is going to meet some girl on Luelinks. They will run away together and get married. She will be just like him: nice, funny, and a chronic procrastinator. As a result, nothing will ever get accomplished.

Raheel is going to search for the perfect girl. His criteria are simple: she must be as perverted as him, and she must have bigger breasts than him. Seeing as this girl doesn't exist, he will settle for some girl he repo's for his dealership because her dad didn't pay his car bills.

Hasan is going to start a thread on CY forums about something obscure, like some book he read or how much he loves Hani, and then some girl will start correspondence with him through that thread. Eventually, the nazi moderators at Crescent Youth will shutdown the thread and place it in the Fitnah Archives. So, then, there will be a fatwa passed, by Sheikh Nooh Ha Meem Sajdah, that he has to marry her or he'll lose his Wahabi status. So he does, and they go to Hogwarts for their honeymoon.

Bilal is going to start looking for a girl to marry him. Unfortunately, no one is going to want to marry someone that dresses better than them. Therefore, he will just end up marrying a Malaysian robot girl, made of parts from used MacBooks and iPods. However, even though it is against her programming, she will eventually divorce him because of all the awkward moments at the dinner table.

I guess I should predict my own marriage, huh? Well, I think it's pretty obvious. I am going to be at the screening of Jessica Alba's newest movie. After the movie, I will realize that I was sitting next to Jessica Alba the whole time. Jessica Alba will ask me, "What did you think of the movie?" And Ima be like "It sucked balls, just like 'Into the Blue,' 'Fantastic Four,' and most of your movies." And then Jessica Alba will be like, "Omg, no1s ever been honest with me before." So then, we're going to go out to get some coffee and Jessica Alba will ask me about my beard, and I'm like "Oh, its because I'm Muslim." And then I'll tell her about Islam. Jessica Alba will then become a hijabi and a pious Muslim. After that, Jessica Alba will ask me "Oh, how do you get married in Islam?" And Ima be like "You have to marry the person that introduced you to Islam." So then, Ima marry Jessica Alba, and we'll fall in love. However, I won't let Jessica Alba change her name to Jessica Jangda. That way I can still introduce her to my friends as Jessica Alba. The End.

I've lost my touch, have I? By the way, if anyone else wants to have their marriage predicted, just post, and I'll TRY my best to predict who they end up with.

I've spent the last few days self-analyzing. I guess I've realized that I'm capable of a lot more. I waste too much time. Instead of studying, I waste time with games and talking on aim and all that. So I've realized that I need to purify these things out of my life and improve myself. That's the only way I'll be all that I can be, without joining the army. First of all, I need new friends. I feel that most of my current friends are holding me back. All the time we waste playing Call of Duty 4 and backbiting and cussing and telling stupid jokes could be spent studying or learning about more important things. I need to hang out with people that will actually encourage me to do good things and achieve. Also, I'm going to give up basketball. I played today and had some great games, so I'm happy that my last day of basketball was so good. However, basketball is too time-consuming. When we play, we play for like 2-3 hours. That time could be spend reading Quran or something. So, I'm totally giving up basketball. Also, I need to stop playing video games. I don't think I'm ready to give up TV all together, but I'm going to sell my xbox for the time being. Or at least, unmod it so I don't play as much games. Also, I want to perfect my Quran. I don't know it as well as I should. I mean, I can recite it, but I want to be able to like read it backwards and stuff, like all those super huffaz. I think that it'll really help me become a better person and read that ideal state that I crave. I'm also going to delete AIM and my facebook. I waste so much time on those, its not even funny. I regret all those useless hours of small talk with my friends on AIM. Arghh, what a waste of time. From now on, every minute will be spent doing something beneficial. And yeah, of course, I'm going to stop writing in this blog. It's another waste of time, but this one is even worse because it wastes the time of the people that actually read this blog.

I really hope that these changes will help me become a better person and I would like all of your support in becoming the new Imran. I'm tired of regretting and wishing I could be someone better. I WILL become someone better. Naw, I'm just playing. You've been J'ed. I'm not going to change myself. I'm gonna keep wasting time, lol. aprils fools.

As most citizens should be doing, I've been following the 2008 Election campaign for some time. Unfortunately, none of the candidates seem to appeal to me. First of all, I'm not voting Republican because who knows what will happen if we get another George W. in office. I don't like Hillary because she's ruthless and rude. If she's our next president, then the rest of the world will hate us. Barack talks good, but I don't know if can walk the walk. In fact, by the way he talks, he comes off as an idealist to me. Someone with ideas, but not much more beyond that.

So because of all this, I've decided that the only way this country will ever get fixed is if I run for President. So yeah, I'm officially announcing my candidacy for the President of United States. Here are some of my views on specific issues.

Heathcare: We should abolish all doctors. That way, there won't be health costs, such as high insurance rates. Instead, we should invest the money we save into extensive Ta'weez research. For the people that don't know what a Ta'weez is, its a kind of good-luck charm that SOME Muslims use to keep monsters away from them. If we give every citizen a Ta'weez, then no one will ever get sick. Plus, the average citizen will save thousands of dollars by not having to pay for health insurance. The only problem is the Haseeb party will call my Healthcare plan an "innovation," which is apparently a bad thing.

Affirmative Action: If I'm elected President, I will totally get rid of the idea of Affirmative Action, and replace it with the idea of Defermative Action. Under this plan, we will assassinate all garbage rappers, like Soulja Boy and Hurricane Chris. These rappers, who rap about "apple bottom jeans" and "superman'ing hoes," are single-handily destroying black culture. Hell, now I can't even enjoy laffy taffy without feeling dirty thanks to garbage rap. Once all these scrub rappers are abolished, then I believe African American society will flourish even more.

Gay Rights: One of the biggest topics today is the issue of gay rights. A lot of homosexual want the right to get married. Under my regime, I will institute a program of "ungayness" called the "Zaid Siddiqui Plan." This plan will involve sending naked pictures of Zaid to every gay person in America. By doing so, I believe we will scare them straight. If this plan fails, then we'll just send all gay people to Bangladesh.

Yeah, so vote for me for President, you won't regret it.

First of all, this post is dedicated to my valentine, as of 9:21 this morning, Nabil Parwez. Enjoy.

I tried to keep in touch, okay, look,
some glitch unfriended us on facebook.
Same thing happened with myspace,
and you're no longer in my faves,
I've tried calling you, to no avail,
but I always get your voicemail.
I've been trying to text you,
ever since I heard Haseeb left you.
Apparently, you called him scary-mean,
Cause he called you a hoe for wearing jeans.
He wouldn't let you talk to your friend Bob,
and didn't let you go anywhere without Niqab.
So, you were like, "Hell no, I'm no ninja,
and you're a hypocrite, you don’t even instinja."
So, one day after speech-and-debate,
you met this high schooler named Zaid.
He was kinda cute, so you were like "Let's go,"
and ignored the fact that he was kinda metro.
He dressed nice and talked great,
he even wore an argyle on the first date.
He seemed too good to be true,
but he was, cause he did suddenly leave you.
And you begged and cried, "WHY?"
He responded, "cause I like guys."
But your fling with Rehan was a worse stint,
because he was impossible to converse with.
Not to mention, he was brutally honest,
And all he talked about were Batman comics.
When you were mad, he'd be like "okay, go!
leave me alone, I'm playing halo,
Don't piss me off, or we're not making up,
I'll turn into the Hulk and start breaking stuff.
Whatever, I don't need you, let's stop,
You're nothing compared my xbox."
So now you're all depressed,
and wondering who to go to next.
So you went on a friend's persuasion,
and met a kid who you heard liked asians.
You decided to go on this blind date,
hoping you might find fate.
But when you got there, he turned around,
because he realized that you were brown,
He was like "Man this is a disaster,
I'm an effin TKD master.
You think you're asian? Bitch, please,
you don't even know Japanese.
I'm out girl, I'm leaving,
like King Charles from Sweden.
I'm a nerd now? Don't even start that,
I'm going home to play Starcraft."
So you left thinking, "I'll give it one last try,
I'll try dating a black guy!"
You wanted to find a fine G,
And you heard of this guy on p90.
So you met up this kid named Saad,
But when you saw him, you thought, "Oh, god"
He wasn't black, but had that skin tone,
he probably doesn't even have his own ring tone.
You had your heart set on dating a rapper,
And then you heard this high pitched laughter.
You heard of a boy that spits rhymes to Bhangra,
Of course, I'm talking about Lil Bangla,
His sick freestyles got him honorable mention,
at the third annual BAGH convention.
So you asked him, if he'd give it a try,
but he's like "Naw, I'm not a one woman guy."
Finally, after all your wishing,
he decided to take you fishing.
But things started getting weird,
when you noticed fish in his beard,
which gave you an unconscious message,
that maybe this cat has a fish fetish,
and your silly notions came true,
when he picked up his rod and said "I love you."
So you're like "Whatever, I’m outtie,
continue this dinner without me."
And he's like "I don't need a date
as long I still have my fishing bait,"
So now your attitude is "This isn't worth it,
this isn't how I'm going to find Mr. Perfect,
Guys like this are dime-a-dozen."
So you went to Pakistan and married your cousin.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm a simple guy. I have a few good friends, a lot of acquaintances, and awesome family. I have almost no enemies; there is no one that cringes when I see them. There are very few people that when I see them, I awkwardly look at my phone and pretend not to see them (don't act like you don't do that, you dirty bastards). Fortunately, I'm on good terms with almost everyone I know. I can say this is true for most of the people I hang out with. We see no need to complicate our lives with useless garbage and drama. The biggest dilemma in my life is whether we go to China King or Eastern Grill after juma. And that's mostly because Adil and Abid are Eastern Grill lobbyists.

Unfortunately, most people don't see things like me. They aren't satisfied with a simple life. They need more and more complications. They need endless baby-mama drama. They can't leave their crappy circle of self-destruction. After all, life without drama is boring, isn't it? Isn't it SO much fun to cry your heart out because your boyfriend cheated on you? Don't you have the time of your life when your friends don't talk to you anymore because you started doing drugs? And I can't think of anything better than a Sunday morning hangover. Well, don't come to me when some thugs are coming to kick your ass because you flirted with the wrong girl. Don't come to me; I'm going to be at Rehan's house playing Halo.

Well, I'm stuck. I've been trying to think of something to write in my blog for the past ten days. I even gave myself a deadline, that I'd write a good, solid post by the 28th, which is today. I don't know what's wrong, but I can't think of anything to write.

So, I'd like some suggestions. Just comment, and I'll write about it. Serious, funny, advice, emo whatever. If you post it, I WILL write about it; no exceptions and no rules. But if it's extremely retarded, then I reserve the right to NOT write about it. Also, you don't need an account to comment, and you can even comment anonymously. Let's just see what the readers can come up with.


Hasan: Gajar Halwa. Females.
What they have in common.

Dang, girls are like fresh gajar ka halwa. You're mom puts it out, and it's all ready to eat, and it smells amazing, but then she's like, "NO YOU CAN'T EAT IT, UNTIL THE GUESTS ARRIVE!!!" Well, the gajar ka halwa has been out for eight years now, and I'm still waiting for the damn party.


For those of you who don't know what gajar ka halwa is, it's the best food ever invented. Here's a picture:



Lil Bangla (Adil): make a post written entirely in Urdu.

Oy, kuta, mera pesa kahn hein?!? Panch, chein mene hogya hein, or tum ne mera ek lak rupee abhi tak nahin deya hein. Agar ek hafta mein nahin mila, me tere gar ake tere ko nanga kardu gan. Me teri shalwar ko utar doon gah or chadi ko tere sar pe lagadun ga. Me tereko sabke samne tati nikal dun gah. Oy, sala harami, me tera chota ghost ko kat dun gah. Me tereko itna marun ga, tumhara chera saad ka jese kala ho jai ga. Oy, oola ka patha, tum kya samaj tein ho? Me tumko nahein dunsakta? Mere ko sab kuch patha hein. SAB KUCH. Mere ko be pata hein tum konsa rung chadi pen re ho. LAL, kuta...LAL. Intazar kar, pagal kuta, intazar kar.

All the best,
Adil Farooq

TRANSLATION (Ibn Jangda): "Oh, dog, where's my money? Five-six months have passed and you never paid me my 100, 000 rupees. If I don't get it in a week, I'ma make you naked. I will take your pants off and put your underwear over your head. I will make your liquid feces come out in front of everyone. Oh, jerk-bastard, I will cut off your small meat. I will beat you so bad, that your face will be as black as Saad's. Oh, owl's feces, what do you think? That I can't find you? I know everything. EVERYTHING. I also know what color underwear you are wearing. Red, dog...red. Just wait, crazy dog, just wait."

All the best,
Adil Farooq


Haris: write like you have some kind of mental disease

I'm going to vote for Ron Paul in the 2008 presidential election.


Shaheed: write about something good. Thats not garbage. BTW this post was garbage

Let's see...something that's not garbage. I guess I could write about the crisis in Balochistan. It's interesting because like they could take a lesson from King Charles I of Sweden or the early Mongolians during the Ottoman empire. If they followed their example, then perhaps we shouldn't have the fighting in Chechnia or Azerbaijan or Rajastan. During the 50s, the Japanese performed horrible experiments on the Chinese, which was used as research for animes. That's why everyone should learn Japanese. Animes are such a good view on society. For example, in Dragon Ball Z, if you collect all the Dragon balls, you get one wish, which includes bringing back the dead. Another good one is Tenken Topa Luran Guran. Man, those lessons can really help you in life. Dang, you know, izallgud though, cuz like whatever. Man, izallgud. But like, when I play Starcraft I think of very interesting things. I was thinking that there should be a subway system in every city in the world. If Bangladesh took a lesson from the warrior Kashratia class and established a subway system, then all their economic problems would be solved. So what if Bangladesh is below the sea level. So what if it the subway system floods, izallgud. At least the people will be able to get from place to place, even if its an underwater subway system. If you wanna see some real non-garbage, check out Shaheed's awesome blog: http://khanshaheed.blogspot.com. Dang, no need to patronize me. Izallgud, for now, I will take my leave. Godspeed and godbless.

I will never be able to figure out women. That is it. I don't know if this is true of every heterosexual guy or if it's just me, but I don't think I'll ever understand what goes through their heads. Whether its my friends or my relatives, I honestly feel like they speak another language and operate on another frequency. For example, when a girl asks you for your opinion...she doesn't want your opinion.

Example:
Girl: yeah, so jessica was such a bitch and like i got this new purse and she saw it and its this really aMaZiNg purse from my favorite store...XPRESS!!! and like all the girls were like "O M G that is such an awesome purse!!! =) but then jessica said that it was a nice purse and im just thinking like wtf why didnt she say it was SO EFFIN AMAZING and shes such a bitch and OMG she thinks shes all that cuz her bf is hot, but i think zaid is not that hot, he's alrite, but his lil brother sufyan is SOOO cute...OMG! id totally let him take me to homecoming...but jessica is still the biggest bitch ever...do u think im overreacting?
Imran: well, Jessica did say its nice...
Girl: OMG you totally dont understand...LOLL youre such a guy...
Imran: ok, ima go kill myself
Girl: ok, BYE!!!! =D

This is what she wants to hear:

Imran: yeah you're 100% right
Girl: OMG, you are so smart. If only you were straight, I'd totally marry you!!!!
Imran: I am.
Girl: i gtg, BYE!!!! =D

Another Example:
Girl: wut do u think of this RAD outfit i just got!?!?!
Imran: umm, its nice, i guess...wuts wrong with ur old outfit?
Girl: OMG!!! you cant wear the same thing twice, DUH!!!
Imran: wuts wrong with that?
Girl: DUDE! wut if theres one person that was at the party i went to and saw that ive worn this outfit before??? then all my friends would stop talking to me and no one would marry me and i wouldnt get a job and i'd die alone....!!! HELP ME!!!
Imran: ok, ima go play xbox now.
Girl: go play ur stupid kiddy GAMES! ima go count the number of shoes i have and listen to avril lavigne and eat some rocky road.

However, guys are pretty easy to figure out. I think it can all be explained in this Spiderman comic I found on LueLinks:

Yeah, so Adil and Abid were over the other day and they were playing Geometry Wars like they normally do. We were all taking turns. We usually score around 100,000-200,000 points a game, but Abid had this one crazy game where we scored 700,000 points. It was so crazy. And when it finished, my 360 gave the following message:



Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.