As most of you know, YouTube has this feature where it recommends videos based on what you've watched. Today, it recommended me to (re)watch a Nouman Ali Khan video in which he answers the question, "I listen to lots of hip-hop and watch MTV Cribs...what's your advice?" It also suggested me a few other videos. Check it out:



Dang, even Youtube knows I'm a hypocrite.

I would like to take this opportunity to formally apologize. I realize that my blog can be sometimes be taken as offensive to some people. I assure you, it's just jokes. I apologize if you take the musings of a random college student too seriously. A lot of my blog posts are about the people I deal with on a daily basis, so I'm sorry if you were too much of a scrub to handle something that you may have inspired. Next time, I'll be sure to only make fun of people that can take a joke or that can understand satire. I need to realize that not everyone can do this, and that's why I find myself having to write this disclaimer. I'm sorry and I hope you can accept my humble apology.

Love,
Imran

Why do we do the things that we do?

Some people are motivated by a higher being promising them an eternal bachelor pad with 72 virgins and an unlimited supply of milk, honey, and weed. They follow the rules of this higher being, and they know that if they do this, even if their instincts are telling them otherwise, they will eventually be compensated for their actions.

Some people are motivated by an internal moral compass. They are born with a code, usually defined by their experiences and what they were taught in Kindergarten. They follow this code and don't stray from it. They know that when they deviate, it always turns around and bites them in the ass. They've learned, usually the hard way, that Karma is one mean, angry, cold, heartless biznitch.

Some people simply do things to please themselves in the moment: whatever desire they want, they take it and don't look back. If they are hungry, they eat. If they want something, they take it. If they are hor---, well you get my drift.

However, most people act in a mix of these three things. They have their internal moral compass, but it's not solid and always changing. They try their best to balance what they truly believe and what their religion/culture tells them to believe. At the same time, they go against their ideals sometimes for some sort of temporary pleasure, but they usually bounce back. It's not a big deal; it's like cheating on your diet by scarfing down a few oreos when no one is looking.

Here's what I think it comes down to. Do what works for you. If you strongly believe in whatever religion you were brought up in, go for it. If your experiences in life have taught you not to lie and cheat, then don't. If you really believe that you can smoke/drink/screw whoever you want without consequence, then go for it. However, morality only comes down to one thing. Don't hurt others, no matter what you do. Besides that, do whatever floats your boat and lets you sleep at night.

I remember I had a similar conversation with one of my nurses. In one sentence, she put it really well: "Don't be an asshole." And she's right...that's really all there is to it

Okay, so today is my 22nd birthday. I'm surprised I even made it this far. 21 was rough...surgeries and whatnot. But what I've learned is that death is around the corner. Anything can happen at any moment. You could die before you even finish reading this blog. Like right now, you could just have a colon implosion. For serious.

It really feels like yesterday that I was running around San Malo Apartments with Adil or spitting sick freestyles with Kurdi or spending my weekends with Jessica Alba or hooping every Friday at Joyal's house. I miss those days.

Anyways, I realized there's a lot things in my life I've never done. So I've decided I'm going to set some goals for Year 22.

-discover the world's first sane woman
-save the world from Haseeb
-release a mixtape called "The Colonic"
-climb a mountain...no better yet, I wanna climb a Panjabi
-convert someone to Scientology
-unwatch two seasons of Grey's Anatomy
-fulfill the vision set forth by Young Money's "Every Girl"
-find the female version of this Imran Abbas guy that's making all these hijabs fall off
-find the long-lost Abil (think about it for a second, you'll get it)

Let's check back in a year and see how many of these I get done.

Let's play a game. It's called "What am I?" Ready? Let's go.

I lost my soul a long time ago. As a result, I'm purely evil. I am an unstoppable destructive force and I annihilate whatever I come in contact with. I tend to do most of my damage at night. I act for myself and do what pleases me. When I get hungry, I look for harmless, innocent victims, and I suck the life out of them. After I'm done, I just leave them to die, and begin looking for my next victim. What am I?

Hey guys!

We, the team at Jangrizzle Blog, would like to wish everyone a happy holidays...

unless you're celebrating Christmas or Hannukah.

Breakups suck. That's just the truth. Sometimes things end badly, and the two people can't remain friends. Actually, that's the case most of the time. So the girl (because 99% of the time it's her fault) has to come up with reasons for her friends as to why the guy isn't around. She can't say, "Oh, he's not around because I was a selfish, lying, cheating biznitch and he dumped my arse." Instead, she has to come up with lies, often exaggerated, so that she doesn't look bad. Well, here are some of the lies that my MANY, MANY ex-girlfriends have told their friends/families, as to why I disappeared.

-"Imran turned out to be gay. He apparently had some fling with one of his Bangali friends."
-"I found out that Imran was selling crystal meth behind madrasah. I knew that those "Smash tonight?" texts he'd get from his friends meant something else."
-"Imran dropped outta school to pursue a rap career. "
-"Imran was cheating on me. I found out that he was calling some random girl named "Aisha" on his phone bill. And I called one of his other friends from his phone, Safwan, and a GIRL picked up. She claimed to be Safwan, but I know that wasn't a guy on the phone."
-"Imran was into some really shady things. He used to hang out with all these weird guys, like Adil, Abid, Ahmed, Haris, and Safwan. Those guys looked like they were up to no good."
-"One of his friends, Rehan, threatened to beat me up."
-"Me and Imran differed on religious beliefs. He was into all sorts of weird things like praying five times a day and reading crazy Arabic gibberish. I'm not down with that. That's just not baller to me."
-"Kashif."
-"He used to always compare me to some guy named Ferhan. And he'd always tell me that he wishes I would be more like Ferhan."
-"Imran was really psychotic. One time, he ripped out his own colon to prove a point. I can't handle things like that."