The World of Jangs

So I was reading some old blog posts and I noticed that I often wrote about what was going on in my own life, and the lives of those around me. I even predicted my friends' futures and who they would marry! Since it's been a few years, I figured I owe you all an update:

I always joked that Haris would become a famous rapper named Lil Bangla. While he is following in the footsteps of his father by studying Petroleum Engineering, his mixtape "My Mom Found My Pack" remains unreleased.

Upon realizing that his political idol Ron Paul won't be running for President in 2016 and that Rand Paul is a bigger joke than his father was, Zahid found himself in quite a bind. Seeing as he knows nothing about politics, he had only two options: convince Ron Paul's grandson to run for President or run for President himself. I wouldn't mind supporting Zahid, since he's a good friend, but I don't think America is ready for another black president.

Of all my friends, I would say Ferhan has had the most success. He's doing one of those Morgan Spurlock 30-day challenges: he is only allowed to eat pizza and buy things off of SlickDeals for an entire month. If he completes the challenge, he will get a lifetime of unlimited Luigi's, a moderator position at SlickDeals, and Kiran will finally agree to marry him.

Rehan actually got married...to a girl...that he didn't meet on Xbox live. And she's real! However, the rest of my marriage prediction for him did kinda come true...

Due to frustration that the girl Ahmed loved married someone that looks just like him, Ahmed is currently dating someone that looks just like her. The only problem is that the girl is allergic to cats and that she doesn't exist.

Abid got into medical school and is currently in pursuit of the Soda to his Woda. The only problem is that his criteria are WAY too specific: must be a Hafiza, must be his height, must share the same Islamic ideologies as him, must be Punjabi...in fact, the only person he knows that fits those criteria is Adil. As a result, their relationship has gotten really complicated.

And since we're on the topic of marriage, I feel as though I owe you an update about myself. Despite my strong distaste for Pakistani culture and its definition of marriage, I was tricked into marrying someone. Our arrangement is simple: Alina gets to tell everyone that she's married to this big shot hafiz/engineer and I get to prove to everyone that I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Gay marriage is the cool thing nowadays. Everyone feels marriage is an outdated concept, unless you're gay. Committed relationships are SOOO 1990.

I work for Corporate America now and couldn't be more excited. They don't actually pay me though. Our arrangement is simple: I get to tell everyone I'm some big shot engineer, and I get all the coffee I can drink, unlimited water cooler conversation, and a few business cards. Oh and a corporate email address...can't forget that.

Despite paying so much in taxes to Uncle Sam, I'm always sitting in traffic because Houston is taking forever to build a metro-rail (due to pressure from oil & gas lobbyists), Comcast still operates as a monopoly and is ripping everyone off, Fogo de Chao is still non-zabiha, and to top it all off, my vote goes straight in the trash because I live in an overwhelmingly red state. Might as well vote for Ironman or Javed's cat in 2016. Oh well, at least my tax return was $300.

Speaking of cats, I have two cats now. The only issue is that I can't find any zabiha cat food. Also, Tango wasn't too keen on fasting in Ramadan. And I'm pretty sure Nina is Jewish. She always bites me whenever I post a #freepalestine status.

So that's all I have for now, just thought I'd touch on a little nostalgia before this blog gets too serious. Peace.